6th form ft. a million tears (and some sunshine)

Sixth form is nearly coming to an end, exams are about to start and how do I feel? Exhausted. I hit the biggest brick wall I ever have done a few weeks ago and found myself saying 'I can't do it' and really meaning it. What is 'it'? I hear you scream. Well 'it' is;  revision, going to lessons, understanding content, going to school, making it through the day. I was so fed up and had given up on myself. I went to lessons wishing them to be over once I sat in my seat. I found it hard to read big chunks of text and comprehend what was going on (English, History and Psychology= endless words; long words, key words and words that I'm sure were made up just to annoy me- stichomythia anyone?). I had to do a quick breathe in and count to 10 before I entered the school building repeating to myself 'today will be a happy day'. I was so done. 

I don't usually get fed up of school for more than a couple of days, I love school but recently the sound of my alarm in the morning fills me with dread (and I have a pretty happy sounding alarm!). I have cried so much over the past few weeks and had an overwhelming sense of emptiness. You know the kind of emptiness you feel when you are doing everything you're supposed to but feel like it will count for nothing. Or the emptiness you feel when ,despite wanting to revise, you don't do anything because you don't have any motivation. 

When I got sick and tired of feeling so rubbish I finally confessed my biggest fear about exams and leaving school to a friend saying (all my words punctuated by sniffles and tears) 'I think I've set my standards too high and I really don't know if I can do this'. She gave me some words of encouragement and said that I should be happy that I'm crying because it shows that I still care. And in a really strange way, that was true. I really do care. I care a lot. Not just about myself, about everyone. We've all worked so hard to get through basically 11 years of education, we got through GCSEs, AS levels (or first year of IB) and this is the final hurdle, the final jump and it's about mustering up the courage to just go for it. 

In my incredibly brief time doing athletics (I got bitten by Olympic fever in 2012) I tried hurdles. There was one hurdle (just one!) and the coach wanted us to try and jump over it. It was the scariest thing because even before ATTEMPTING to jump over I created a whole narrative that made jumping (or is it 'hurdling'???) even scarier. I am going to fall, I'm going to trip up and embarrass myself, I am going to bash into this thing and it's going to break. This is going to be a disaster. But I did jump, the hurdle fell (but I didn't), no one laughed and I just had to try again.

I think so many of us are approaching sixth form the way I approached hurdles before finally taking a leap of faith. We see the obstacle i.e. exams and before even trying to jump over we've created 10 million reasons why we're definitely going to fail. We are telling ourselves that we've; set our standards too high, don't have enough time, aren't smart enough and that all our efforts, big and small, are not going to count for anything. I have definitely felt and said all of these things over the past few days, let alone the past few months and although it's scary  I am determined to get through this.

I will not lie and say that I feel extremely confident about my exams (and I guess I was waiting to feel like that before I wrote anything) but I'm trying to take everyday as it comes and pace myself. If you're anything like me, you take a very 'go hard or go home' approach to revision and school and then you run full pelt into a brick wall and it's more like 'went hard and was sent home with a concussion'. But now I'm in recovery and determined to keep working hard until I kiss exams and A-Levels goodbye. 

I was given a little pep talk by a teacher (after finally asking for help and telling someone I was struggling to find a balance between revision, lessons, preparing for retakes and keeping myself sane) and she said that no matter what happens you want to open your results knowing that you tried your absolute best. That's what I'm holding on to now. I'm trying to convince myself that I can do this and I will succeed and I'm also trying to keep calm and I urge you to do the same.

I know there is pressure from so many angles when preparing for exams but sometimes you have to remember that you are doing these exams for yourself and no one else. You are working hard for yourself. Those grades or numbers you get at the end are going to be yours and you want to know that whatever happens you tried your best. 

So let's keep at it, keep working hard and BOSS these exams!!!

Good luck everyone and to all my beautiful IB people who have started their exams already all the best in everything. 

WE CAN DO THIS GUYS. 

P.S. Vote for me as UCAS blogger of the month here, comment below if you have any questions and if this helped you SHARE SHARE SHARE. 

Keep Smiling!

Itunu x 

Update

It's happened again, I haven't blogged for such a long time *cries*. Before I start blogging normally again (aiming for once a week) here is an update of my school/educational life since the 25th of January.

Open Days

I probably defied every single rule by applying to 4 Universities that I hadn't visited but I did it (because I'm rebellious like that). I finally went to the visit day for the University of York and the University of Birmingham and I loved them.

University of York

York is a very green University and I am basically like a little dog, I love the outdoors and fresh air, I don't like being inside for long, so seeing all the green space made me really happy. British weather decided to spew its tears on the visit day though, so it was cold and raining and generally really gross but I just imagined what it would be like on a rare sunny day and thought YEAH I LIKE THIS PLACE. We also had the best mini lecture and breakout session talking about Jeremy Corbyn, Donald Trump, terrorism and the refugee crisis (which caused a bit of a debate). I finished the open day feeling amazing. It was that feeling you get when you question yourself about going to a party or event and when you finally get there you're really happy with your decision. I had been questioning myself about my course, especially because I don't have any strong allegiance to any political party and think of politics from a very emotional stance, rather than in figures and stats. When I got to the open day, however, and heard other people speaking passionately about why the UK should accept refugees my anxieties were lifted.

University of Birmingham

After the visit day to York I was so ready to go to Birmingham. I got to the campus and was gushing about it for the whole time. The University of Birmingham looks like the campus Universities you see on American TV shows and it’s so beautiful. The lecturer started the session playing loads of different songs from Green Day to Beyoncé and asked us to find the link. When he finally said that politics influences music, and how music can be used as a political tool I was like YAAAAASSSSSSS (internally of course) because that whole concept really resonates with me. We then went for a tour of the University with a really friendly tour guide called Elle (if you ever read this, you are legit the sweetest person) who broke down the whole University life from the social side to the Politics and International Relations degree. During the lunch break we also got to talk to one of the lecturer. Again Mr Trump came up in conversation and also the EU referendum. Considering that Birmingham was initially just an additional University on the list, I wasn't really expecting to like it but I loved the atmosphere and the course content.

Head Girl

I was one of two Head Girls at my school; we started our role last March and ended it a few weeks ago. Juggling Head Girl responsibilities and school work was not really difficult but served to be challenging in other respects. We had a really great team and managed to do a few things, including raising money for War Child to send girls to school. There were a few times we had to stay late after school and talk to parents and prospective students and we also did speeches, which meant that any feelings of awkwardness or shyness had to be thrown out of the window (one of the biggest things I learnt to do). It was a huge learning experience and I'm really grateful I got the opportunity to represent my school.

Coursework

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

Final Offer

My last offer was in December, so I was pretty sure that I was going to get a rejection from Warwick. Last week I got my very last offer from Warwick, which was a big surprise. I feel that bit more motivated to work harder and keep going- so yeah that's pretty fabulous.

Shameless promo

Aside from blogging for UCAS, I blog for other platforms and I'm now a writer for MTV!!!

Click on the links to see my work:

MTV Post 1

MTV Post 2

Year 13 has been quite stressful but it’s nearly over and my post from exactly 3 months ago is my motivation, and hopefully it can be yours to. Check it out here.

Keep Smiling 

& click here to vote for me as blogger of the month 

Itunu :) 

MOCKS ARE OVER!!!

I got through mock week guys!!!

After surviving a 2½ hour English exam I feel like I can do just about anything. After surviving mock week I feel like I can do just about anything to be honest. Mock 'week' lasted 3 days for me, with a History and English exam on Monday and a Psychology exam on Wednesday.

I'm soooo glad that all the exams are over because there is a weird pressure that comes with mock exams that doesn't really exist when you have real exams. I don't know if it's the realisation that exams will be happening soon (well soonish) or just the general feeling of being unprepared but everyone gets incredibly stressed and it's generally quite a gross atmosphere. But they're over now and we managed to trudge through them with a few funny videos and packets of biscuits-yay!

I feel like I should spurt out some advice today but I'm not really too sure about school based advice. I think my main realisation since the year has started is 'DON'T FORGET TO ENJOY YOURSELF'. Like I said in my post at the start of the school year make the most of every moment.  I have been trying to exist in the moment, focus on the present, enjoy spending time with   people (friends and those I haven't really spoken to before) and just LOVE my last year at school.

I tend to isolate myself from people during school/exam period and although in some respects it helps me focus, it gets really lonely sometimes so I am trying to work around that, so I work hard and still spend time with others (any advice from those who have gone through A-Levels would be appreciated- comment below and I will share it in my next post)

Well, this was just a catch up on my super interesting school life; hope you all have a wonderful week.

Keep Smiling!

Itunu x

P.S Vote for me as Blogger of the Month!!! (Click here)

My First Week Back

Happy New Year Amigos!!!


The Christmas Break was the most necessary and wonderful break EVER. I managed to relax and get work done; had a lie in pretty much every day and ate loads of food and I honestly think that THIS is the key to greatness and maximum productivity. (Food, Relaxation and BEAUTIFUL SLEEP)

 

So being back at school has thrown me off balance a bit because I have to wake up early in the morning and the times during the holiday where I would have been stuffing my face with food, I'm now learning about Abolitionism, Sonnets and watching Zimbardo talk about Aggression. (I don't actually know how I survived this week now I look back at it)

 

Surprisingly, however, it was a really lovely first week back. Although the thought of mock exams, which are starting on the 18th, has been looming- I have tried (key word-tried) to revise. I am finding it a bit difficult to do the whole 'being in school and also revising’ thing but I'm attempting to keep calm and be more productive . 

 

One thing I learnt this week (and it wasn't on the curriculum) is that happiness is a choice. Instead of being miserable because the holiday was over, I was resolute that I was going to start the term being positive. I was going to be in the moment, actually LISTEN in my lessons and enjoy my break and lunchtimes and not spend all my time panicking about school OR wishing I was at home watching Elf.

 

Following through with this made me feel so much happier, the week went quickly and relatively smoothly and I could actually tell you what I learnt this week in quite a bit of detail (yay me!).

 

So bring on WEEK TWO!!!

 

I hope you all had a lovely first week back and I hope that if you didn't (even if you did in fact) that you have a wonderful rest of the term. Block the negativity, Keep Positive and Eat Chocolate (and maybe an Apple or something).

 

Keep Smiling!

Itunu 

TO BE HONEST...

Where have you been Itunu? Everywhere. I have been up and down and really really down and up again. First of all let me start by saying sorry guys, I haven't blogged for over 2 months which is even surprising to me because I was really excited to start blogging about Year 13, that's until the pressure kicked in.

Year 13 has been difficult so far. I started the year optimistic about having a fresh start. I had already done a lot of research about my course, Politics and International Relations, and also the Universities I wanted to go to. I spent summer writing a few drafts of my personal statement and was really motivated to do well. So I was pretty much sorted right? Err not quite. A few weeks into the new school year I started second guessing myself BIG TIME. Do you really want to do this course? Are you ready for University? Do you even know WHAT ON EARTH you are doing? Instead of voicing my fears, I kept them to myself. When the conversation about applications started I was all ' UCAS, Applications, Exams, Responsibility, Life *manic laughter*' it was bad.

After a while, I realised that my secret panic was not doing me any good and spoke to my admissions tutor who told me , *I'm paraphrasing*,to keep calm, stay positive and complete my personal statement. After getting it checked over and doing a lot of editing my personal statement was done. Then it was applying. OH MY GOODNESS. There are so many Universities out there doing my course and picking 5 was hard. I finally got my final 5 and now it was time to apply. Again, I had another secret panic/hesitation before I finally hit the send button and was able to breathe freely for the first time in about 3 months.

I have got 4 of my offers so far but I am still a bit scared about everything; getting the grades I need, making the most of my time and coping at University. Wait let me rewind, I am really happy about my offers (don't want to sound like the girl who's unhappy because she got Evian instead of Voss) but I'm more freaking out than smiles. I guess that's why I didn't want to blog because 'fear is for the weak' and all that jazz buuuutttt if I want to blog about Year 13 I have to be honest don't I? And to be honest, Year 13 has been a whirlwind of emotions. The work load hasn't been greater for me but the mental strain has been GIGANTIC because for the first time I am working towards something that I really really want.

I decided to stay at my secondary school after GCSEs and was pretty certain I would get back in because, why wouldn't they want me *flicks braids*. But in all seriousness, since I didn't move school for 6th form this is the first time in my educational life (is that a thing 'educational life'...ahh well it is now) I am working for a tangible goal and it is mad scary. Sprinkled on top of that I'm leaving my friends, my school, and the comfy 6th form area with the paninis and sofas and I don't know if I'm ready for that change.

There is a lot of pressure because there is a constant reminder of not letting yourself and your loved ones down. There is also such a strong feeling of 'If I mess this up, I am going to ruin my life', 'if I mess this up, I will have failed myself' and then you hit a brick wall where the constant narrative is 'look at my grades/motivation level/brain activity I am failing, why do I even try?'.

I have always believed that school shouldn't make people sad,like it's really not that deep (or, rather, it shouldn't be). For the past few months however, I've come to understand why school can become a place where you have to muster up all your strength to go there every morning. It's difficult. It becomes a fight between wanting to grow up and leave school now and wondering if you're ready for independence and a new academic experience.

There's a quote that says 'enjoy the journey between where you are and where you want to be' and I guess we're all in the 'in-between' stage and it's important to work smart and be positive. Now, this is not a brush off form of motivation, where I go back to my perfect grades and life, I am in the trenches too, I am freaking out too but I know how important it is to think positively in order to get what you want.  

I am working to get through this with more smiles and less tears and I am encouraging, in fact URGING you to do the same because we're all worthy of happiness as we work towards getting through the jungle that is Year 13.

I wish you all the best in your Year 13 journey and remember we're all in this together amigos.


Plus I'll try and start blogging more often than once every few months :)

Itunu x

P.S Click here to vote for me as UCAS blogger of the year :)

Make the most of every moment

This was originally written for my other blog 

A lot of the times we do not enjoy things because we have already set ourselves up to fail, to be scared or simply not enjoy ourselves.

Starting my last year of school I had already set myself up to feel stressed. I had scared myself into thinking, once I stepped into the building I would feel stressed by all the implications of being in my last year of school; exams, uni applications, head girl duties, leaving the school I have become really emotionally attached to. It was not a surprise that despite all the hugging and smiling, I felt really weird about being back at school.

I took a moment to reflect and think; if I continue in the vein of being ‘pre-stressed’ I will spend my whole year stressed for no reason and unhappy. Sure there are a lot of things that I have to do, there are a lot of people, places and traditions I have to eventually say goodbye to, but I still have months until all of that.

The focus now is on being present and making the most of every moment. We rob ourselves of happiness when we walk around thinking rigorously about all the things we haven’t done and will have to do in the future.

Instead of thinking about what is going to happen in the next ten minutes appreciate the moment you are in, so that the next ten minutes will feel great, instead of feeling like an obstacle when you finally get there.

I read in a book that you should focus on the 24 hours ahead of you, and make sure that you make the best of every single moment in those 24 hours. Now, this isn’t just a pretty concept it really works! I took this concept and applied it to my life last year, and I felt so much happier and more fulfilled, but like the silly human being I can be I stopped doing that and let the worry pour in (BAD MOVE ITUNU).

Focusing on the 24 hours ahead of you helps you to appreciate the moment you are in. You can sit in lessons and focus on what is being said, rather than organising what you will be doing in the next few months, or worrying about all the things you haven’t done.

I know that there are tons of things to think about and there is a main goal or goals we all have in mind but by focusing on the 24 hours ahead of us (and keeping our goals in mind) days become so much happier.

Keep Smiling!

Itunu :)

Click here to vote for me as blogger of the month

Brontë and Blogging

This was originally written for my blog https://voiceofthemaverick.wordpress.com

Hello All !!! I made a deal with myself that until I finished reading Jane Eyre I would not blog  (I don’t know why I didn’t think of that earlier because I whizzed through the rest of the book). So here I am, free from Brontë and back to blogging yay (I will do a Jane Eyre review soon) !!!

In February I had the amazing opportunity to start writing as a student blogger for UCAS. (Click here to view my UCAS blog)  UCAS stands for Universities and College Admission Services and ‘it is a UK-based charity whose main role is providing the application process for almost all British universities’. (thanks Google).

Having the opportunity to blog for UCAS was amazing because not only was I writing on a huge platform I was also blogging about school; full of all its highs and lows and sharing advice about dealing with the jungle, that is school life.

In September I will be starting Year 13, my last year of school before University.I have had the opportunity to continue blogging for UCAS during Year 13, where I will be starting the University application process, getting really stuck in to my role as Head Girl and bidding farewell to the school I have been at for 6 years (ahhh the emotions). So keep on the lookout for my posts throughout the school year.

This is where you come in. I need to gather as many votes for title of UCAS Blogger of the Year before embarking on blogging during Year 13. I have had so much fun being part of the blogging community, both on WordPress and as a blogger for UCAS, where I have been able to reach out and help many students across the UK.

 I would LOVE to win the title (and left it quite late to gather votes *cringes*) so please click here and vote for me (itunu).

Keep Smiling (and vote!)  :)